I'm a Simpsoid

Here I walk along Lake Springfield pondering life's mysteries.

Okley Dokley.

Surely this was a post worth waiting for, yes?

View from the couch... (the first in a series of couch blogs)

This is what a yawn looks like. I imagine a sneeze looks pretty similar, only with more satisfaction and blurriness.

I would like Jack Clemens to write a series of short stories surrounding the misadventures of a plumber and his talkative assistant. The series would be called "Butt-Crack and Jabberjaw: Leaky Pipes"

The Pittsburgh Penguins look really really really bad on the power play. Still, I root for them. And still they lead.

My guitar strings are old and my guitar out of tune. How out of tune is it? So out of tune... that it's difficult to make it sound good.

I can't handle that there are half votes in the Democratic primary. I'm not whining about Florida and Michigan... there were half-votes long before the Rules and Bylaws committee meeting. I thought partial votes went out with the Civil War. Could they make this process any more stupid? I'm holding my breath...

Super Tuesday should be all the primaries and caucuses on one single day - what is the benefit of this drawn out process but to see what idiotic thing Hillary will say next or who will seek fame (or infamy) by popping out of Barack's closet. And why not add the Green party, Libertarians and Social Democrats to the mix. Five parties. The country would be pretty skeptical of anything but the big two anyway... but open up the dialogue. There are more than two viewpoints out there- there are, in fact, five.

Puck to the face of Ryan Malone of the Penguins... wicked. ow. bloody hell.

Why am I so capable in head to head fantasy baseball yet so inept at rotisserie? Seriously, I'd like to know.

OK, Lost is done for the season... Top Chef has but a few weeks left. I don't have HBO so I can't watch John Adams (if that's still on). Regular season baseball is about to be the only sport left for the summer... unless you count Arena Football, which I don't.

Don't even get me started on the Olympics.

I saw a Jetta a few weeks ago in Roanoke that had a little guitar emblem on the back... I assumed it was a VW with the Guitar and plug-in thing that they sold a couple years back. 1) does the guitar fit in some form fitting nook in the trunk all the time? 2) what sort of amp did they rig that thing up with? 3) can you play along with the radio? 4) what kind of effects does it have? 5) does it sound good? 6) is it sweet?

We should all use "Gadzooks" more often than we do.

He shoots he scores. tied at 2-2. Somehow Detroit gets shots on the power play while Pittsburgh can barely maintain possession. Hang tough Penguins... don't let it end tonight. Can you put two goalies in goal at once? The way their defense is playing in the middle of the third period, two might not be enough. Maggie and Moe (and Mickey, really) sleep through all of this not realizing the Stanley Cup is on the line...

he shoots he scores. 3-2 Detroit. Not looking good. Looks like it's back to the pantry, Pittsburgh. Malone is back in after the puck to the face.

Sweet tea tastes good.

For a good time...

visit the following:

http://members.tripod.com/beavertimes/

Homepage of Florida's only cinematic genius, Randall Beaver - maker of movies, taker of pictures, breaker of musical convention, creator of the Beaver Times. Creative insanity lurks around every corner... for your pleasure.

"Ed Rendell is a trainwreck"

The title is my response to the Sunday morning punditry's suggestion that Ed Rendell (D-PA) would be a good VP choice for the democratic nominee.

I may or may not elaborate on this position in the future. Needless to say, it is a position I take very personally and vindictively.

Due to a headache and low supply of nachos, the blog hit a slow patch today. We can all hope for more tomorrow. There is always... tomorrow. Except for Ed Rendell, who is a trainwreck.

Photoshop vs Microsoft Paint

(This is the first in a series of posts about computer program comparisons... comparable to PC World, PC Mag and C-Net in content and accuracy)

Truly an epic battle between these two evenly matched graphics programs. Many would disagree. Photoshop costs money and is a high-powered tool that can do amazing things. Paint is essentially free and can do next to nothing. Photoshop is in the popular lexicon... That was "photoshopped." Paint is used about as much as the "text notebook," it's slow-witted companion in the accessories popup in Windows. David and Goliath, eh?

However, in the hands of an untrained idiot (author) the power differential is negligible at best. Take the two photos above... neither particularly impressive - both equally stupid.

So, if the computer program requires me to learn how to use it, that is a major strike against it. Paint has about 4 buttons to push... perhaps its greatest strength. Photoshop seems to have infinite options and buttons... a serious drawback universally agreed upon in the tech world.

Back in the day, I'd cut out pictures of myself and paste them into magazine shots of football players, basketball players and the like . Frankly, the results were equally as impressive as the ones you see above.

A low tech-mind will create low-tech results no matter the tools or medium. High or low tech, I was a happy accident from the palette of Bob Ross, and I owe that to Microsoft Paint.

Microsoft Paint 7/10 stars
Photoshop 3/10 stars
Clipping Photos 9/10 stars *

*(six bonus points awarded for getting to use scissors, glue and making a mess)

Blogosphere Beware

There's a new Blog in town.

Rarely irreverent. Even more rarely relevant. Yet, on the internet for your occasional pleasure.

I'll blog on my business, my dogs and anything else worth mentioning. What better use of free-time is there than spewing my ramblings into cyber-space. Methinks there is none better. And dear reader... it is my hope that you feel the same way. For I enjoyed writing this as much as you enjoyed reading it.

(Expect an inordinate number of ellipses in all of my posts... as I avoid relearning forgotten rules of punctuation)

IRONY ALERT: I used the spell-check in this e-blogger service and it highlighted internet and cyber as problematic. Silly computer program... I am, in this brief moment, more learned than thee.