Pain in the Neck

I have one. This is October Happy Blog Month, so we'll put a :) on this one. I used to carry my stress in my stomach and on my shoulders. Stomach pain and nausea was once so acute that I would suck on Mylanta tablets all day long. This was the antacid of choice during my one semester stint at St. Andrews Presbyterian College back in 1992. This was easily the lowest point in my life. There are times when you think you don't belong or fit in with anyone, and there are times when you are absolutely sure that non-belonging is the case... this was the latter. I didn't really want to fit in... I didn't like what I saw. I did try, a little. Tried to reach out. I briefly got adopted by a band of hippies. They frustrated me even more than the dirty-hat college-boy crowd. I didn't need friends... I needed a friend, and for whatever collection of reasons, it wasn't happening there. My diet (which I'm sure had no relationship to my tummy twubbles) consisted of Froot Loops for breakfast with a glass of grape juice and Pepsi. Lunch and dinner normally consisted of some combination of saltines, ramen noodles and Lipton cup o' soup made with a hot water maker in my room. I attended every class and studied every subject, probably the only time I ever really put forth all my energy into school work. I learned stuff inside out. I guess it was the best way to pass the time, each miserable minute. That and guitaring. What I gained from those dark months were a) an intense concentration on guitar playing and improvement b) the ability to make it through crappiness. This was in the days of the Walkman (no... probably the early Discman era). I'd put in disc and put on my headphones and crank up my amplifier and play along as best I could to Rush, Clapton and Eric Johnson. I improved mightily in those few months. Who knew that practice and study could lead to success? I escaped after one semester. For the most part, I left my Mylanta fix there in Laurinburg, NC.

The Tums Years. Tums was more of a post-St.Andrews insurance antacid. I didn't have to have one in my mouth constantly, but I did need a roll in my pocket for security throughout the remainder of my college years. In a pinch, if I was desperate enough I'd go the Pepto route. Always tablets, never the liquid. Occasionally, paired up with my gastro-neurosis, I would have prolonged muscle spasms in my neck/upper shoulder. The kind I have right now. The kind where you can't turn your head. The kind where you have to turn your whole body to look in a new direction. The kind that feels and looks uncomfortable. The kind where your neck is locked down slightly so you look up to look straight ahead. I don't think this is a relapse, just a coincidental pain reminiscent of spasms long since endured and overcome. There were times many years ago when I felt that my muscles would always be seized up, my stomach always angry and my mind unable to find a place in which to fit itself. They are great quantifiable symptoms of my inner uneasiness and social discomfort. But, for the most part, they've all passed. Tonight, the closest bottle of Mylanta is on drugstore shelf in town. And this cramped up muscle is just a gentle reminder that I'm now more good than bad, more healthy than sick, more at ease than diseased. And that makes me happy. Thanks, sore neck!