"On the surface it seems like the roots of the plant may have been choked off. The soil has a lot of silt and has compacted into a solid, cakelike substance. Mulder, roots need water, nutrients and oxygen. Water was not lacking as there was a full day of steady rain. After the rain, things turned ugly. Nutrients may have been lacking, but some sort of chlorotic appearance would surely have preceded death. There is no evidence of that. The silt could have choked off any potential aeration into the soil profile. The anaerobic conditions would have squeezed the life out of this helpless, struggling plant. But, look here."
(looks into microscope)
"What is it? What's on these roots?"
"It's a gelatinous film... I've never seen anything like it."
"What are you saying Scully?"
"What I'm seeing here is not carbon-based... I have no explanation... yet. Do I want to do some more research? Yes. Do I need your help? Not really."
"Do you think it's a government cover-up? Did these plants know too much? Tell me it's a conspiracy and I'll fly to Siberia and do some fact finding out there."
"No, Mulder. I know you want to rack up some more frequent flyer miles, but this mystery is on the smallest scale. The truth isn't out there... it's in here." (points to goo-covered roots)
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WE'RE BACK
"Scully, I've been doing some digging. Not literally. I talked to this backwoods yokel farmer, he calls himself Cunado. He told me that his farm was doing fine for about a week and a half. Recently planted seeds had germinated and looked to be thriving under his expert care. He happened to mention a pervasive ant problem."
"Ants, Mulder?"
"Yes, ants. He couldn't be sure that they weren't alien ants, so for the moment I think we should assume that they are extra-terrestrial."
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Did you find their space ship?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Scully. All evidence of ant space travel points to teleportation. I documented several cases in an article I wrote for OMNI magazine back in 1986."
"Go on."
"I think I want to go back out to the farm, Scully. And I want to do it tonight when it's dark and the lighting is poor. I have some questions that still need answers, like 'what happened out there?' and so forth."
"You do that. I'll keep looking in this microscope, dissecting things and referring to old lab notes. Be sure to give me call when all hell breaks loose out there. Are you taking the Ford Taurus?"
"Yes."
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WE'RE BACK
(on cell phone) "Scully, I've been doing some digging... literally. I brought my FBI trowel and made some incisions where the roots perished. Remember the alien ants Cunado told us about?"
(also on cell phone) "Yes."
(still on cell phone) "I found a colony of them. An Alien colony. An alien ant farm. Not the Alien Ant Farm that covered Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" with the somewhat entertaining video, but real live ants. They were deep in the ground. It's strange, Scully."
(cell phone conversation continues) "Ants live underground, Mulder."
(speaking into cellular phone) "But not alien ants, Scully. They tend to live in space. I'm convinced these are mutants. They wouldn't speak to me when I questioned them. Mute ants. Get it?"
(using mobile phone) "That's a good one. Listen, I think I've found something you should see. I could tell you on this cell phone, but I'd like you to see what I've found."
(final cell phone communication) "I'll be at the lab in a minute, I'll stop and get us some donuts."
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
This episode of the X-Files is brought to you with limited commercial interruptions by Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts and the National Coalition of Independent Donuteers (NaCoInDo!). Spokesman Sam Waterston: "If you're hungry..." (bites donut) "...eat a donut."
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WE'RE BACK
"Thanks for the donuts. They really hit the spot."
"So what have you found?"
(Walks over to microscope)
"Remember the gel that was on the cucumber roots? I think I've traced its origins. Look at this slide... now look at this slide. Do you see any similarities?"
"Not really, should I?"
"No, Mulder, you shouldn't. But I do. There is some faint mycelia on the roots in both slides, the beginnings of a fungal outbreak, fueled by ant saliva proteins."
"Are you saying some canisters from a cold-war chemical warfare program have fallen into the hands of agri-terrorists, who now have landed on our shores to wreak havoc on our subsistence farmers' cucumber crops?"
"Exactly. With your... uh... how do you arrive at that? Good god. What happened is this: Cunado tried to kill the ants... ordinary fire ants, not alien ants. Using some cut-rate pesticide from Home Depot we unwittingly created a resistant strain of super ants. They tend to be passive-aggressive. Rather than doing damage on the surface, with the mounds and the biting and the pain, they chew on the roots of his plants. The weakened plant dies, apparently due to poor management on his part. They hide at some distance and have a good laugh at his expense. And, Mulder, they'll keep on doing it... there's no stopping them."
"Poor Cunado"
(cut to grainy footage of Cunado planting new seeds, scary cello music plays)
(fade to black)
(Fade up image of Sam Waterston)
(fade to black)
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