Famous first words

In celebration of my 85th post, I went back and copied the first lines of all my posts. The plan was to put them together into a coherent piece that hopefully wouldn’t read like a mad lib. By the time I finished copying and pasting, the project was already doomed, so I scrapped it. I did consider going through with it, but then, one of you might read it and... it could have been the last straw for you. "Enough of this Bloglas!" you'd say. I don't want you to say that... and I don't want to force you to do so with an ill-conceived post. I want the spirit to gurgle up organically from your collective depths, "Hip hip... Huzzah for Bloglas!" What follows will likely not elicit Huzzahs, but if it can avoid Boos, I'll chalk it up as a victory. So here are five first lines from the McBlogland archives and why I chose them.

Sunday morning started peacefully enough.

How can you not want to read on? Peacefully enough? What does enough foreshadow or to what does it allude? Some conflict... I must must must find out what happened later that day. Truly brilliant. Why did I choose this one? Hmmmm. Perhaps an overt homage to a cliche beginning. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps it was a dark and stormy night...

David Caruso first captured our collective hearts as a bellboy in an episode of Ryan's Hope back in 1976.

David Caruso, Ryans Hope.

Knee deep in vitamin D is a bit of an overstatement.

Totally random, right?! Right? Well, I don’t think anyone ever wrote that line before, so I choose it for some minor amount of originality.

The magic loop fell late Friday afternoon.

MAGIC! obviously.

The perimeter of the farmland has been breached once again.

Again, you know this one is going somewhere phenomenal. You read that line and there is no turning back. No one can resist a story with breaching. Who breached... how did they breach... when did they breach? Breach and breach and breach and continue to breach. Short breaches or long breaches... it doesn’t matter. Just enjoy the show.

Dear readers,

Thanks for reading.

Fondly,
Bloglas

Small Fire Hits Virginia Home

There was a time when I was crafty and made all sorts of things. I'm still a little crafty, but don't make so many things. Below is a picture of a model house I designed and built about 16 years ago. It was mainly built from balsa wood with some little furnishings inside and a sandpaper roof.
The house has been sitting on the bar/counter in my parents basement for nearly the entire 16 years it's been around. I'd like to build a house someday, but this is not the design that I'll choose. Rather than bring it back to Carolina, I decided it was time to say goodbye. So, this happened...
Total destruction down to ashes took about eight minutes. Investigators suspect that a lit match started the fire in the den. Foul play is confirmed.

Lunacy

The moon is about 238,855 miles away. That's pretty far. That you can make out some of it's surface features with the naked eye is pretty neat. But enough about that.

We have some excitement in our hemisphere now, and it's not just the deaths of a few notable celebrities. There was a military coup in Honduras. Given the right circumstances, Hugo Chavez said that it could lead Honduras to war with Venezuela. I'm not totally up to speed on it all. As I understand it, Zelaya is a leftist who was democratically elected but was pushing to change the rules so he could bypass an imposed term limit. Then there was the coup. Keep an eye on it. Honduras is not that far away from us and lord knows central and south America have made for some ugliness in the past. Let's all be aware, even if only slightly.

We can not like Bush, we can not like Obama, we can not like the fat cats in Washington, we can not like a lot of things, but we should like that we have had a stable democracy through some trying times. It's a balance of power and rules that we should appreciate. The United States is the exception, not the rule. Our rules make us exceptional, and the fact that we generally abide them makes it all the more remarkable. I guess it's pretty timely with the 4th coming up. But the Fourth was about our right to govern ourselves independently. Drafting and ratifying a constitution that has worked for over two hundred years is more impressive. It's one thing to declare independence, quite another to maintain that independence. Each day we don't spiral into anarchy we should have a small celebration for the constitution. By 1788 it had been ratified by enough states to take effect. But for being our lasting, governing document, it was not a home run. Consider the following states and the margins by which it passed: Massachusetts 187 to 168, New Hampshire 57 to 47, Virginia 89 to 79, New York 30 to 27, and Rhode Island 34 to 32. Pretty interesting. Some of those were powerful states with powerful economies and powerful influence. Happily, it works. Our country has done some regrettable things, but more than it's fair share of remarkable things, and I, for the most part, am just along for the ride.

Tonight I celebrate by sitting on the back stairs that have been heated by the sun all day. I stare at the graphic display of stratus clouds lit up by the setting sun and watch my dogs roam relatively free. After that, I'll look up at the moon, because it's there.

Two dogs, Twenty minutes

The moon is a waxing crescent tonight. A dog barks in the distance. A dog nearby (about 4 feet away) wants to bark, but knows better. She quietly barks under her breath. She creeps up the steps and looks hopefully at the door. A mosquito buzzes around her head. She casually puts her mouth around it. No more buzzing. The door opens and in she goes. Another dog pants in the yard. He makes muffled chomping sounds, teeth on stick, teeth on stick. Inside, a tongue laps at a bowl of water. The door opens and dog comes back outside. She wanders around for a moment then sits on the deck and starts to lick herself until she's told not to. She takes a few more steps to be within arm's reach. She gets a few pats on the head. She walks away. She stops to look through the fence into the darkness beyond, seeing nothing, sensing something, thinking very little.... all instinct. The distant barking is becoming more earnest. Dog nearby again wants to join the chorus. She growls but resists barking. Good dog. There's a licking on my arm as brown dog comes by for a break from stick chewing. Slobber once. Slobber twice. Back out to the stick in the yard. Black dog again takes her spot for a quick pet. Then off to the deck for some more resting. Small bugs, beetles of some sort, fall from above and land on their backs. I flick them away. PETA would approve. Black dog comes back for a petting but receives none. She moves on. The Doppler shift of panting means brown dog is on the move. He's usually on the move. Another distant bark is breaking the silence to the north. Whatever has the canine world upset this evening is in motion or in multiple locations. Black dog again wants to share her opinion with the neighborhood, but mumbles "bark" instead, a puff of air forced through her chops - far from a bark. Brown dog licks a few toes, sniffs around then jumps off the stoop. A beetle. Poor bugger. Not sure how PETA feels about a dog killing a bug.

Eight and a half hours of abandonment are forgotten. Brown dog surely has forgiven while black dog will add this to the list of injustices she has suffered under our regime. Time for bed. A wag and a kiss.

Bad

If you go back in time to the video posts I made, you'll remember my excitement at how quickly the videos uploaded to the web. Tonight I tried to upload a video and after three full hours, I gave up. I'll have to come up with a shorter video and post my regularly scheduled post at a later date. All of which leaves me scrambling this evening. I'm tired and ready for sleep. But, I owe you all something. Something of value. Yesterday was a little weak and I feel bad with two sub par posts in a row. Surely this is not the first time this has happened... but I guess it's the first time I feel bad about it.

Speaking of Bad, I got that album for Christmas back when it came out. One of those guilty musical pleasures. It probably wasn't cool of me to like it or want it, but I both liked it and wanted it. I just came across a tribute on VH1 Classic with a bunch of MJ videos. The music video for Bad came on. Directed by Martin Scorsese, it has the story of Michael (in character) coming back to the 'hood from boarding school. It had all the 80's cheese you could want... overacting, terrible dialogue, bad fashion, forced moral message, and so on. Way too much story build up. It turned into a modern West Side Story dance-fight-bravado-posture-fest. I couldn't see it through. It was too... bad.

I have nothing poetic to say about his life or his death. We were never very close. I think he genuinely moved people with his music and performance. From our distance, I think we all saw a tortured personal life that could never reconcile itself with his mega-famous public life. At some point, maybe you get so twisted in it all that you can't break free. I tend to think we all get to feeling that way, but we have the benefit of millions of people not watching and questioning and judging our every move, thank god. Multiply your highs and lows by a million, and I think that's what it was like to be Michael Jackson. Many of us would like a shot at the talent, fame and fortune. But the scrutiny... no one seems to be into that.

In an interview I heard with Ricky Gervais (The Office(the original)) he cited a poll where the question was asked of young people what they wanted to be when they grew up. Fire man? Police Officer? Doctor? Lawyer? Indian Chief? Something like 85% said "famous." Simply famous. Not famous for some achievement or good deed or talent or contribution to humanity, simply "famous."

If I was more awake I might be able to tie all of this together in some clever fashion, but perhaps there is no brilliant connection. Two disparate points with no great commonality? Perhaps. But things to think about none the less.

Good night.

7 paragraphs

Here you see a picture of me with Bean Plant. I hoped the plant would appear quite large. Instead, it looks like I am quite small. Apparently I was due for a total Photoshop dud and this is it. Darn.

Not a lot to say tonight. Two stars dead. One governor turned Latin lover. One Iranian protest mostly squelched. I have no interesting takes on any of these at the moment. I believe they all sort of speak for themselves.

I saw a skink chasing after, catching and eating a bug this morning. The skink was incredibly nimble in his hunt. I wouldn't have thought it was capable of catching a fast, winged creature... but I saw it happen.

Each paragraph tonight shall be approximately the same length with but a single topic explored. The paragraphs may consist of sentences and fragments at the whim of the author. Of course, all this is at the whim of the author.

Short topics are easier to write about but harder to think up. Look back on the last few paragraphs... clearly you see no revelation, no divine inspiration, no mundane inspiration. Sure could use a CNN poll to bail me out.

I swore off the CNN poll, though. I was addicted to it. Put up a poll question, make a snide, yet incisive, comment and then move on with the blog. I do one thing at a time. I do it very well, and then I move on.

Many will recognize those last few lines from M*A*S*H. Saw a good quote by FDR's daughter, Alice Roosevelt Longworth. "Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches." Sounds good to me. Catch y'all tomorrow.

Dead horse, beating a

Day three of my making fun of CNN's online poll.

Today's edition: "Do you owe student loans?"

This would be an ok poll question if anything at all on the page had to do with the cost of higher education and the burden of debt on students. But, there were no such articles. Without context, what is the purpose? I understand wanting something interactive so people... well, interact on the site, but it should be relevant to something. It doesn't make me mad, it just makes me notice and wonder why. And for the most part, I think I'm gonna drop it, unless something ironic or stupid pops up such that I can't help myself.

On to other news.

News. News. News.

Oh, very few of you will find this of interest. I began an aggressive mid-summer pruning campaign on the property last night. All out-of-control plants are about to fall under the knife (or saw or pruners or clippers). That means you, crape myrtles - I'm tired of mowing around your wild foliage. That means you, overhanging limbs - I'm gonna cut you down. That means you, gigantic Azalea on the north side of the house - I'm cutting you, too. That probably doesn't mean you, enormous holly - I fear you and your poking things.

News. News. News.

Mickey's dinosaur bone stick is half the size it was a few short weeks ago. He's made some serious progress. A fiber-rich diet is so important.

News. News. News.

During the pruning last night I found an old bird's nest. Here it is. Birds do lovely work. It reminds me of the sweet grass baskets they make in the low-country of South Carolina near Charleston. The craft has been passed down through generations descended from West African slaves and evolved into a decorative art form in the 20th century. Y'all should check it out the next time you're driving down route 17 toward Charleston. Dozens of stands line the road with basket makers selling their wares and doing their thing.

News. News. News.

El Farmo Cunado has been properly weeded. The majority of the weeds were sedge-y grasses, which shows that the drainage in the soil is poor. The overall lack of vegetable plant growth suggests this as well. Bean plants continue their progress. I have put some fence around them so they can climb up. Yellow squash continues to grow. Lettuce and Carrots are holding steady. It's amazing they can grow so little in so long a time, yet still be alive.

News. News. News.

I've written so much yet said so little.

A cardinal is sitting atop our now useless giant roof antenna. He's singing and has a lovely voice. It's a full body exercise for him - tail moving, chest going in and out, feathers puffing out in different places. He's balanced on a thin piece of metal, surveying the area and singing away to somebirdy about something. Pretty amazing really. He just pooped, sang a few more notes then flew off to a tree. Bye-bye, Birdy.

He's singing again.

Two guys and a poll walk into a bar

Luckily you don't come here for the jokes, because that set up would be heading for one monumentally disappointing punchline.

To the two guys who wrote this in the Wall Street Journal: When you write one near fact and one impossible to substantiate opinion as fact early on in your article, you ruin my palette. Anything else you write is tainted by your illegitimate starting point. To highlight my point:

"The election held last Friday was a carefully controlled process that allowed only candidates approved by religious authorities to seek office. Nonetheless, it seems clear that many and likely most Iranians cast votes for challenger Mir Hossein Mousavi and against Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad."

"... carefully controlled process..." well, sort of. Not so "carefully controlled" that street protests, clashes with authorities and international outrage were the result.

"... seems clear that many and most likely most Iranians cast votes for challenger..." No! How can you reasonably arrive at that conclusion? If you think the election was a fraud, you have no data to support anything. If you take the actions of the protesters to be representative of the vote, then what about the non-protesters? You've decided who they voted for!/? If 51% of Iran's population was in the streets saying they voted for Mousavi, only then can you make that claim. Please please please, present facts and argue their relevance. Don't arrive at and support a position based on half-truths and opinion... that's my bread and butter as a blogger, and I won’t give it up without a fight.

CNN's poll question today: Should people on the government's terrorist watchlist be allowed to buy guns? Yes or no. 11% say yes. As a blogger, I can reasonably conclude that 11% of respondents are gun-buying terrorists. Right? Hmmmmm, I'd rather not know what the yeses are thinking.

So, two guys and a CNN Poll walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I do for you?". Guy number one says "I'd like a Miller Lite on draft if you've got it." Guy number two says, "Budweiser in a bottle, and some pretzels or nuts." The CNN Poll asks the bartender "Is the Obama administration doing enough to promote green energy? Yes or no." The bartender politely asks the CNN Poll to leave. It leaves quietly and unscientifically. After a few minutes, guy one asks, "Where'd Poll go?" Guy two grumbles before he takes in the last of his Bud, "How should I know? I never voted for him." Guy one looks up, more than a little confused, "What does that mean?" Guy two, mouth full of peanuts "Ah, nevermind."

THE END

And that, for those that didn't already know, is why I don't write or tell jokes.

Bits of Tid

Hey LOL'ers, are you really laughing out loud? I know we all have different thresholds for creating audible laughter, but some of the stuff you claim to be LOL-ing, I just don’t see it. LMAO'ers, see above.

I meant to mention this as part of my most recent Iran post: I was getting caught up on all the events in Iran on CNN.com Saturday afternoon. The poll question on their homepage amid all the Iranian election coverage was "Does your cell phone have all the features you'd like?" A) Yes B) Most of the features I'd like C) Why are you asking this question when there are plenty of topics worthy of a public opinion poll? I made up choice C, but the poll was real. Real... something.

Take your medicine, driver. Pet peeve of the week is when a car is in the wrong lane but tries to get in the correct lane at any cost. Take your medicine. Get off on the exit, turn around and try again. It’s not worth risking lives of those around you just so you don't lose five minutes correcting your error. Sheesh. I’m pulling you over for a Gomer Pyle-style citizen's arrest next time I see it happen. Mr. or Mrs. Black Toyota Tercel (NC license plate ZDH-4331), consider this to be your only warning.

It’s amazing how a fairly normal act, when turned and twisted only slightly, can become very weird and creepy. I choose not to give an example.

Speaking of weird and creepy, here’s another picture.

1 Million Dollar Contest

Now that I have your attention... HA ha.

Seriously, check out the photo below. It's my "Blast from the Past Photo Contest!" Correctly identify 5 (five) people in the picture and win the jackpot. Good luck to all! This may count as one of those tough questions that Wikipedia can't help you answer. Challenge! I'll give a couple hints. 1991. "Niiiiiine."You know how there are photos you remember from years ago and how much fun it is to pull them out and think back on the memories? Well, this isn't one of them. I don't remember seeing this before, but I still like it. It has high fashion, artistic composition, international intrigue and vibrant local color... all prerequisites for any photo I consider posting here.

Went to Lynchburg for a Hillcats game Saturday night. The tally:
+ Free parking
+ Free tickets given to us at the gate
+ Big crowd on hand
+ Big crowd watched the baseball game
- Home team lost
+ Perfect weather
+/- Animated Lynchburg manager argued a call and got thrown out
+ good defense
+ quick pace
+ on field promotions I hadn't seen before
+ pretty drive to and from through the hills of Virginia
+ no bratty kids
+ fireworks after the game meant no traffic for our departure
+ Good time with family
+ Pre-Father's Day fun
+ baseball

Send any "Blast from the Past Photo Contest!" guesses to me along with two boxtops from Cheerios cereal. Good Luck!

Disclaimer: The one million dollar prize money may or may not exist.

Weekend Update

Iran.

When I lose my "24 hour news cycle" tv coverage of events I quickly fall behind. I read the newspaper this morning, and it seems to be the "24 hours ago news cycle." It's not your fault Roanoke Times. I stand by my earlier opinion of the Iranian election situation. The fact that the Supreme Leader came out the next day and changed the dynamic has again forced the hands of the demonstrators. It may now be about real reform all because of crisis mismanagement at the top. I'm not sure if this was the crisis that Joe Biden warned us about during the first several months of the Obama administration or if it will be with North Korea (when we intercept a freighter with weapons or they shoot missiles into the Pacific at or near Hawaii) or if it will be something else entirely. Surely nothing else could match those two... right? right? Let's hope so.

So Moussavi is supposedly prepared for martyrdom according to his supposed Facebook page. Not the right tone to set. Not constructive. Not good. Revolution isn't easy (see: revolution, almost any). Not that it may not be worth it... but I think incremental change and some compromise and leadership on the part of Moussavi would be better in the short term. But I'm not him and he's got to do what he thinks is right. I fear it could get really nasty and they may not have anything concretely gained. Oppression will be more intense in the aftermath. You've got the world's attention but you have no military support, so your protests in the streets aren't likely to do too well (see Tiananman Square).

The US is not going to jump in and I'm pretty sure no other world powers will either. Even some of your Islamic friends in the neighborhood are keeping their distance. I heard an interview with a dozen guys (I believe Shiites) in Afghanistan. They were asked if any of them cared about the election in Iran. Two guys raised their hands. The other ten started yelling at them. The position of the world: Leave it alone. I think it is admirable to be willing to die for your cause, but even more impressive to live for it and embody the struggle. We'll keep watching. I wonder how people in those situations keep their day somewhat normal. How does Moussavi sleep and eat and function? He's got a collection of stressors I can't fathom. I'd be sucking on a bottle of Mylanta all day long.

Sports.

I shot a 33 on nine holes of par 3 golf today. Not bad for not playing in the last year and a half. I didn't make any great putts but I didn't have any real bad shots either. A bunch of pars, a couple bogeys, a couple double bogeys. The gentleman and gentlelady from the Empire State played nice rounds of golf as well. I like golf when it costs $10, takes an hour to play and I hit the ball generally where I want it to go.

Leisure.

Back to my leisure.

herrerermmm

I have some quality material this evening, but the internet is failing me. I will update this post with hilarity on the morrow and it will surely be fabulous. My apologies to you and you and you who were expecting more than this excuse.

We thank you for your patience.

It is now tomorrow, so I am updating...

Observations from the road, things I saw and things I thought about things I saw and other things entirely.

- I was driving behind a slow moving old pickup truck at 1:00 in the afternoon on Friday. The passenger in the car had her hair in curlers. I think... 1. maybe her hair is always in curlers 2. other things about curlers. If, by one o'clock in the afternoon your hair is still in curlers, but you're more than happy go around in public, there is something wrong, perhaps several somethings wrong. Also, the driver has to assume some blame. He is responsible for making sure his passenger is buckled in (up), and should also be held accountable for the state of his passenger's hair. Summation: Curlers are a little weird, especially in the afternoon pulling into Napa Auto Parts.

- Moments later I saw an EMS ambulance at McDonald's. It was parked at the end of the building. It reminded me of high school football games where there was an ambulance parked behind the goal posts ready for some inevitable injury on the field. Summary: Food at McDonald's can be dangerous.

- Black-eyed Susans were out in full force along the North Carolina highways. Synopsis: Flowers are pretty.

- It is Blueberry Festival weekend in Burgaw, NC. It is Hog Day in Hillsborough, NC. Conclusion: I'm not sure.

- There's a big beef cattle ranch on route 86 in North Carolina. The cattle seem to have it pretty good. I know it won't end well for them. Although, for some it might end medium-well (that was comedic genius... set 'em up and knock 'em down I always say). Among all the cattle I saw a single donkey having a stroll. A nice brown Eeyore. Thought: I wonder if the donkey knows how lucky it is. I wonder if that sentence requires a question mark?

- A belated Happy Flag Day to everyone.

g e o p o l i t i k

At this point I'd like to open up the floor for some questions.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Alright then, I'll continue my "not all together thought out" opinion on the Iran situation.

Should the US be a more powerful voice in supporting the opposition in Iran? I don't think so. And not because everything Obama does is right. And not because everything Obama does is wrong. And not because it would appear that we're meddling. Sometimes American foreign policy should be silent because there is no good position to be vocal about. "We're concerned about violence and fair elections." Nuff said.

Mousavi is better on the surface than Ahmedinejad (I think I spelled that right!) but he is no democratic reformer. The protests, as I understand from accounts from Iranians in Iran, are more about a fair election, not fundamental change - not that Mousavi is going to overthrow the current system for a western style democracy. He was a hardliner - pro-hostage, pro-nuke, anti-US, anti-Coca-Cola, anti-etc. Also, as I understand it, the Supreme leader and his cronies select the nominees for president from 200 possibilities. Not likely that one would slip through the cracks that would turn on them as completely as we might like to think.

So they rigged the election (I say it was rigged from the start) with an unlikely margin of victory. That's the mistake. If they came out and said... "OK, Ahmedinejad got 53% of the vote." I'd buy that. Probably the streets would be quiet in Tehran today if that was the story. At least give the appearance of truth and fairness. Saddam Hussein and Joseph Stalin usually won 100% of the vote. Their minority was not so vocal as the people in the streets of Tehran. I also heard that it is life as usual for most of the day in the capital, but late in the afternoon everybody assembles to continue the protest. It seems they've all got day jobs... that is a protest I can get behind. Do they have a choice? If only the midwest of the US voted and Barack Obama won 85% of the vote, you'd have to take to the streets and ask "How?" If Bush had taken Massachusetts by 30 points in 2004, you'd have to take to the streets and ask "Huh?" The more liberal Iranian cities had large voter turnout making a 60%+ vote for Ahmedinejad nearly impossible. I wouldn't be surprised if he did legitimately win the election, but it's the slap in the face of the voter (of the public) that is at issue.

Dear Supreme Leader:

When (not if) you cheat, don't make it so obvious as to be an insult.

Your BFF,
Doug

Iran has a fairly progressive (relatively speaking) youth population and I think this was bubbling below the surface waiting for an obvious justification to question the system. I don't personally think that Obama's speech in Cairo had an impact here. If it did, then I think the protesters are mighty unhappy at the distance the White House is trying to maintain.

A couple lessons for the middle east: 1. When the US says it will interject, it doesn't always do so... and the results can be disappointing (see: Kurdish uprising, Bush 41. see also: Kurds, Turkey, Clinton). 2. When the US says it will interject, and it does so... the results can be disappointing (see: Iraq war 2005-2006-ish, Bush 43). I think the last twenty years are reason enough for the present administration to stay quiet. If North Korea shoots a bunch of missiles toward Hawaii in a few weeks it will make the Iranian situation look no more important than a student body election. It is more important than that, but incoming long range missiles seem more pressing, somehow.

Speaking of North Korea and golf, did you know that Kim Jong Il hit a bunch of holes-in-one the first time he played and is better than Tiger Woods? Sounds like something a crazy man bent on the destruction of his own people and others in the region would say. I'm just saying.

In a couple related stories.
1. I'm very happy to have big oceans on either side of us.
2. I like this hemisphere very very much.

Hall o' Fame

I am generally not a big fan of Halls of Fame. I feel that most are not exclusive enough. In sports, I think you should be a transformative/transformational/transcendent figure of your era or have ridiculously great statistics to even be considered. It becomes like an annual bonus at work, once it becomes expected or inevitable it has lost its real value.

Take Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa… they are not going to make it into the Baseball Hall of Fame any time soon. You do steroids (or get caught) and voters will likely not vote you in. Every action has a consequence. Pete Rose was a transformative/transformational/transcendent figure, but he was a big liar. Finally confessing just to have a shot at getting into the Hall of Fame is terrible and shows his character. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the "Hall" would be less of a place if the questionable characters were inducted. I think a lot of people go to Cooperstown to get a sense of the history and the characters that shaped the game. These guys were a big part of the game, for better and worse. Gambling and performance enhancing drugs are a part of the game's history and to brush them under the rug would be wrong. When all the facts are made public, the "Hall" should make an entire exhibit about the dark side of the game (and leave room for expansion, since it’s sure to be an evolving display).

Back to "who gets in?"... If had a vote, I'd vote against Pete Rose, against Mark McGwire, against Sammy Sosa, but I'd vote for Steroids. They’re a first ballot lock for me. Like it or not, they are probably the most influential person/place/thing on the game of baseball in our lifetime. Probably to the detriment of the game, but if we learn from the controversy, America’s game can only benefit from embracing the issue and facing the problem.

Yep, the ol’ embrace and face.

This concludes my cursory look at steroids, the Hall of Fame and annual bonuses.

Motivational poster

con·cen·tra·tion
(knsn-trshn or kon-sin-tray-shun or think-in or pon-dern)

noun. 1. a. The act or process of concentrating, especially the fixing of close, undivided attention. b. The condition of being concentrated.

2. Something that has been concentrated.

3. Chemistry: The amount of a specified substance in a unit amount of another substance.

4. Blogging: A cop out picture to avoid any writing. I deserve a day off and so do you.

Gritted Teeth

It's a cool evening. A storm is approaching from the north and should be here in a half hour or less. We're all enjoying a good sit in the backyard. I tried a good sit on the front porch with the dogs yesterday, but a jingling in the woods disrupted everything. Another dog was wandering about. Before Maggie could get in full defense mode I got everybody inside.

This morning I saw a fox strolling across the front yard. It was not red, so far as I could tell. Foxes have a neat look about them. I can't imagine hunting one down. I can't imagine hunting anything down. I can understand killing for food to survive, but if I had to do that I would be a hard line vegetarian for as long as possible.

I hate to dwell on the weather, but it's not even humid out... it's really nice.

How about that Iranian election? How about Afghanistan has one coming up soon, too? How about Israel? I saw a cartoon explanation of the Israeli-Palestinian situation last Sunday. It was well done. I took it to be rather accurate. Just as the demographics are changing in the U.S., so too are they changing in Israel (awkwardly worded... but you know what I mean). Palestinians are having more children than Israelis and have nearly pulled even with them in population. So the idea of a two-state solution which sounds so good to most of us may be a limited time option. When the Palestinians have a majority they could very well push for a single state solution, and with their voting power they would have near total control. Something to think about, no matter where your geopolitical opinion falls. I was sure there was an easy answer. Wrong again. The search continues.

I hear thunder. I see two fireflies, two dogs, one deflated basketball, seven tennis balls, one house and one darkening sky. I smell the faint scent of something. I listen for rain. Yesterday, when I was playing my guitar and singing outside, a bug flew down my throat. Tonight, I sang through gritted teeth.

Blogberet

A play on a play on words.

I'm wearing my wireless hat again. The internet is currently down so I am emailing this in via blackberry. Any earlier plans for a focused post are gone. Qwerty strikes again.

I took a nap this afternoon to sleep off a headache. It didn't really work. When I woke up a big thunderstorm started... perfect for more napping. But I resisted the temptation.

Maggie made a sneak attack on the cat food and litter box today. She is currently serving time outside. Mickey has preferred dog status and is enjoying some couch time. He's breathing loudly (as usual) and watching some TV. Earlier we played, now it is time to pant. He has incredible focus... on what? I'm not sure. But he is focused. After a while he'll decide it's time to go to his kennel. Maggie never makes that decision... in a similar situation she begins to lay low to avoid another night in solitary.

I noticed yesterday that while both in their cages, they tend to assume the same positions as they rest. I would attach a diagram, but it's probably not necessary and also not possible this evening. I have no theory to explain this phenomenon, but I am slightly fascinated by it. Today, while separated, their sleeping positions were not even remotely similar. Outside the cage Maggie is free to assume her "bug on its back snaggle tooth" position which Mickey has not yet mastered.

And that's the dog report.

Huzzah for the Penguins and their Stanley Cup win. Mickey and I are bored by game five of the NBA finals. Maggie howls in the backyard. Sentences form a loosely constructed paragraph. Not far from here a George Foreman grill is covered with chicken drippings and longs to be cleaned. Longs to grill sausage. It must wait. Tomorrow you will have your sausage, unless I cook it in a pan. A dog scratches at the door. That same dog thinks "Why am I being ostracized?" The other dog thinks "I'm a good dog... because this guy who feeds me said so... and he rubs my head and scratches my ear."

Good dog.

Tonight: Sports, Agriculture, Nature, Literature, Health and Making a Difference

The magic loop fell late Friday afternoon. The same magnificent basketball that raised it up a day earlier brought it back down again. These are the times that try men's souls. Which loop will be the next to fall? Am I man enough to endure what comes next? I'll let you know.

El Farmo Cunado continues to putter along. I did some hard core weeding Friday evening. Grass has proven to be the most viable plant of all. Bean plants are still growing. A yellow squash plant is making progress. Micro Tomato, Micro Lettuce and Micro Carrots continue to Micro Grow. They are a Micro Disappointment. Kristin got a few cucumber plants from some people at church for me to transplant. They sat for a few days in a tub of water before I got them in the ground. Some looked like they had a chance. I planted them, then, overnight we had some serious downpours. Yada yada... they're not looking good. When the farm happens next year, I see me doing the following: borrowing a tiller, putting up more fence, planting early, planting more, conditioning the soil, learning before planting, buying a few plants rather than trusting seed, planning... just a little. All in all, the farm has done well - especially in this economy.

A major dragonfly operation is underway overhead.

I appreciate book suggestions and follow through when possible. I have given up on Wolf Totem and a couple others I got out of the library. Keep in mind that I am getting books out of the Pender County Library – Burgaw Branch and that it does not have a comprehensive collection... of... books.

It is time for me to burn off this layer of winter fat. I've had it since 2007.

Vonage Call Forwarding and Wireless Internet allowed me to conduct business late Friday afternoon from the back yard with the dogs. Thank you, technology, for making a difference. Even if you only helped one person... it was worth it.

Equus

That title would scare some away, so bravo or brava to you, reader, for continuing on.

I decided this afternoon that I kind of like miniature horses. I wouldn't say I was ever against them, but I was never a big supporter nor enthusiast. There are several horse farms around us here and there are some pretty looking full-size horses out in the fields. Saw some folks riding this morning as well.

About a mile and half from our house there are a couple newer homes that have big fields full of about 8-10 horses. There are a couple babies wandering about, lanky and wild. There are also a couple miniature horses amongst them. I'd say a mini-horse is about my speed. I've only been around full-size horses a handful of times in my life. The most recent time, I was walking one from a barn to a fenced in pen. About half-way to our destination it went a little wild and took off. My first and only rule of horse handling is as follows: 1. If a horse takes off, I let go. It didn't get away, no thanks to me. His name was Chester. His name is still Chester.

It would seem that Louis XIV was into miniature horses and had some at his personal zoo at Versailles. He was a fan of the oddities of nature. This is one strike against the mini-horse, though not its fault. Really nothing about the mini-horse can be blamed on the mini-horse. They were bred for dwarfism which logically leads to some dwarf-like traits on most of them - disproportionate head and what not. What I did not know was that there are miniature guide horses, similar to guide dogs. They serve some different functions, but these mini-guide horses have the same stiff collar/handle setup to serve blind people and are trained to work indoors and out. They're not bred for this, but some are trained to help out. They have a longer life span than dogs which is an upside. I saw where blind equestrians that ride full-size horses use these mini-horses as guides. Very cool.

Yet again, there are a collection of worlds that I know nothing about. There are a collection of worlds that I don't want to know about... but like the mini-guide horses, some are pretty remarkable and unexpected. If I someday learn of guide cats, then all of my understanding of domesticated animals will be blown apart. They're nice and all, but they haven't got a serving personality... I have yet to meet a cat that would intentionally help a person. I've met some people that wouldn't intentionally help a person, either.

In a great show of unity, brown dog and black dog are both relaxing under the same bush to stay cool. I can't think of too many other places where they could be so close together in harmony. Black dog has requested that we all go inside for cool drinks and cool air. She makes a good case. It's 92 degrees in the shade, and we're not in the shade right now.

Back to the Musee de Photographie (excuse the lack of accents)

Self-Portrait - flash face - 2009 ________________________$2,300

Self-Portrait - camera-face-shirt-head - 2009 ____________$4,200

2 in 2 million

I have been engaged in an ongoing battle with the net on my basketball goal. It all started when I first installed it. I remembered that one should give the loop a twist before putting it in the ring on the rim. Theoretically, this would keep the net on the rim, no matter how powerful the swish. It did not. (In no way do I attribute the net's inability to stay attached to my ferocious shooting skills.) So I tried the double twist. This didn't work either. Then I tried no twist. No dice. I'm back to the full twist. For a while, the front two loops and one on the left side were off. I lived with it. A few days ago I backed the Jetta up to the pole, climbed on the trunk and reattached the net once again. It held up for a short time, then one of the loops on the right side found its way free. Fine. One failed loop. Not so bad.

Those with great affection for basketball know about "hanging the net," where you make such a perfect swish that the net gets hung up on the rim rather than hanging down as it normally does. Today, while shooting, I went beyond perfection. I made a shot with such precision and concentrated force that it defied logic, physics and sports science to truly hang the net. The Perfect Shot. Rotation, trajectory, speed, temperature, light, humidity and mood were all just so. Cosmic forces aligned and combined... Saturn was in the third moon of Venus and the Earth's moon was in retrograde. The lone loop that was a free dangler whipped it's way back toward the stars and... rehung itself. I've never seen it before and doubt I will again.

Some of you know that while in New Orleans in February a similarly magnificent event took place. To set the scene, we got to visit a house in the French Quarter with some lovely, welcoming people. The house was complete with a balcony that you got to by walking through some gigantic windows. I was well fed. My belly was full of authentic gumbo and a couple Red Stripes rounded out the meal. The first parade of the season was going through the French Quarter on that night. We were a short walk from the parade route. We caught the tail end of the parade then cut across a few blocks to catch it again as it looped back to the east. We watched a few floats go by and had some laughs at the creativity as it moved passed. One might call the floats irreverent. One might call them raunchy. One might get back to the story. As expected, beads were constantly being thrown from the floats into the crowd. As I was looking at an approaching float, a set of beads landed around my neck. Not on my head, not hanging on one of my ears, not hitting me in the face, not tight on the front and loose on the back... but landed perfectly - perfectly - in place. It was thrown from at least twenty feet away from a moving vehicle and settled precisely in place around my neck. Lifetime New Orleanians around me had never seen it happen before. Neither had I. I won't forget it. They might.

From my artist's collection (click photo for full gallery experience)

Typho

I don't mind it when I misspell a word I don't know. But the ol' typo really upsets me, especially in places where I can't edit it. Say, if, you know.... I was to comment on another blog and would leave out the word "in" in one of the sentences. I can't fix that. And it's not worth another post to say "in." The meaning was obvious, but rats (zut alors! the French would say). Or if I were to spell "stone" s-t-a-n-e in another place, that would also be bothersome. Sure, the "a" and "o" are right on top of each other on the keyboard, so it's a common mistake... but I try not to do these things. Speaking of "these"... I had that spelled "thsese" for a few weeks before noticing it on my page here. "Remember thsese great posts?" Well, spell it wrong and all comedic brilliance is lost... forever. I go back over my blog entries from time to time, not only to wonder at my own spectacular gift, but to find glaring mistakes that everyone has already read. I can always find at least one somewhere. On the upside, I've given up many of the rules of grammar. If I were into "grammar" there would be plenty to be upset about in nearly every sentence.

I've put a little Google translator to the right so all our international friends can join in the fun here. It's neat. Kind of cool to see what words it won't translate. "El Farmo Cunado" has no translation into Arabic. I wonder how it handles typos? Better than me? We'll see.

Everyone watch hockey and root for the Penguins. Game 7 is in Detroit on Friday at 8:00 eastern, NBC. I'll remind you again later this week.

I'll just have a popsicle

I have no answers and I don't trust those that do... or think they do. It is never that simple. What is it? Just about anything. Even if someone could assemble all of humanity's experience over the centuries, they still wouldn't know everything. As big as the universe is, how could we really have any concept of what's actually happening? Creationism, Evolutionism, Intelligent Design, Divine Design... that's what we've come up with. I tell you what, if a little green alien shows up, all those theories are out the window. Maybe he/she/it already has. If so, I'm glad he/she/it is under wraps. We're "off" enough on our little blue marble as it is, we don't need any new chaos to add to the mix.

A line in the Tragically Hip's Emporer Penguin says that an "alien invasion is the only chance for unity." I love the concept, but I don't think it would work. The Hip didn't either, but I don't want to quote nor debate an entire song, even if it is about penguins. The theory is that we would unite as a planet against an outside threat. Then we could get back to creating and battling our own earthly constructions. For me, the only way an alien invasion creates unity is if the aliens really make it happen. My invading alien would be a uniter, not a divider. You know, just a damn good diplomat - one that could broker a one planet solution.

If we're lucky, we know what works for us. As I am writing this there are 6,785,514,464 other people going on about their business throughout the world. I haven't the slightest idea what life is like for nearly all of them. I don't really understand how we're all connected, but I like to think we are. Even if I could arrive at a moment of complete understanding, the moment would pass and I'd be clueless once again because that "truth" is probably a moving target. So rather than understanding, I'll just try to be. If I can't latch onto some constant out in the ether, hopefully I can be my own constant. Of course, that's how all the Twilight Zone episodes play out. So maybe I'll just have a popsicle, check my fantasy baseball scores, go to bed and try again tomorrow.

This post was sponsored by Air Conditioning "A/C - Hot outside... cool inside"

Lame

I am not yet up to full speed following the weekend and its dear friend, Monday. Even so, I will give you my words, here, now. The words are yet to be chosen. The meanings and purposes may never be known. Or known of, in some cases.

Summer swelter arrived today. Humid and breezeless. My least favorite time of the year is summer. But enough about me and summer. Why do we squabble so?

El Farmo Cunado has yet to show any real promise. There is a lot of grass starting to work it's way into the picture that needs removal. But not today.

Went to a bookmobile on Sunday. A bunch of used books discarded from libraries are packed willy nilly into a small trailer and driven into town. Paperbacks are fifty cents, hardcovers are a dollar. I went to fiction to see what I could see. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but I'm pretty sure you can judge a book by its title. I can't say for sure that I will like a book based on its title. But there are plenty of titles I see that I know will have a story inside I must avoid. I walked away with nothing from the bookmobile.

My writing muscle has cramped and I'm pulling up lame. Hang in there Bloglandonians, I'll have something fabulous to share soon enough. Who is me. What is this. Where is here. When is later.

Later.

Blogberry

My apologies to the blog faithful for my lapse yesterday. I was otherwise engaged. Today I check in via blackberry using its qwerty technology. It will make for brief post as a message any longer than this is taxing on the brain and fingers... neither of which are too deft today.

I am in Beaufort, NC today. It's cool and overcast. There are big fishing boats here for a big fishing tournament where they catch big fish.
I'm staying in a house that has a macaw. His name is Bull and he eats pizza. My name is Doug and I eat pizza too.

I press send. We both fulfill our roles - I write, you read.

Driving to Work

On my way into to town I saw a disturbing sight. It was a mushroom in the road. It was whole, had not been run over. It was just laying there, I assume. Perhaps it was crossing the road. Why did the mushroom cross the road? Because he was a fungi. It doesn't work. No normal explanation, joke or otherwise, begins to make sense of what I saw. Have I fallen into a Tom Robbins novel? Was can o' beans in the ditch nearby? Plenty of inanimate objects seem at home sitting in the middle of the road. But Mr. Mushroom caught me off-guard. What was he up to? I didn't see him this afternoon.

When you wake up too early, say about 3:50am, and you can't fall back to sleep, you find some pretty cool stuff on tv. Sure, infomercials take up the lion's share of the airwaves, but you can count on History International to show something of substance when the sun has yet to rise. They had a feature on trains and transportation. My love of train riding was documented a while back, so I won't rehash my unapologetic love for it. Trains were so important as people movers back in the post-war era, 40's and 50's. Then, Eisenhower signed Federal Highway Act of 1956. We built cars, built suburbs and built parking lots. Trains shifted increasingly to freight. There are areas where you can still make good use of trains, but if you look at Amtrak's route map, you'll see some huge holes. It's too bad, especially for city to city travel where you don't want to drive a car once you arrive. There are a lot of creative transportation concepts that would be leaner and greener than the monstrosities we've created. It would be great if for long parts of a trip you took the train, then had a little electric car waiting at the train station to use for a your short range needs. Electric cars that are only good for 50 miles would be plenty if we hadn't built a world to expansive for them over the past 50 years. Alternative transportation will catch up in cost and viability, but still, we have grown unnecessarily apart. Me included. We included. I like that I have no neighbors and can sit out on my stoop and type here and run around like an idiot with my dogs without worrying that a neighbor is wondering "what's up with that McFarland guy?" Nevertheless, I'd still like to ride on a train.

Map!

Embedded test, soon to be removed.

View TrunkPump Dealer Map in a larger map

OK, it's staying up. Find a TrunkPump dealer near you, if there is one near you.

I won't count this as an honest to goodness post, but it's something. And it took a good long while to make it happen. So today, explore the world with a map, compliments of Bloglas McGlobeland. I suggest you check out Kerblechistan.

Breaking point

As in "I probably should take a break tonight" from trying to write something here.

Expectations are running high. Deliver! Night after day after night. I push myself so hard to provide this edutainment.

Here's something: I looked up bimonthly in a couple online dictionaries because I assumed it to mean "every two months" rather than "twice a month" (semi-monthly). Websters and others have both definitions for bimonthly. How can one word mean two different things like that? I get that a single word can have multiple meanings and uses, but this crosses the line. The French wouldn't allow something like this. Bicentennial doesn't mean 50 years, it means 200. It's messed up. I will take my complaint only as far as this paragraph. I've heard that words have precise meanings... in this case, two contradictorily precise meanings (I'm excited contradictorily is a word, though it might mean "adv.: in agreement with"). Come on English! How can I break your rules if you cease to have any? ruuuhhh!

There's a song called Country Day on the new Tragically Hip album that I haven't been able to listen to since I got it. It starts "Country Day..." and I always fast forward. This was wrong of me. So just now I ventured deeper into the song. I won't say it only got worse, but in the end it disappointed as I expected. When you expect something to be disappointing and it delivers that promise... is that disappointing or satisfying? What is the sound of one hand clapping? Either way, for me, that song got off to rough start and the finish was no better. I enjoy several other songs on the album and I think it has a nice feel overall, country day notwithstanding.

Mosquitoes are deadly tonight. Enough of this.

Technology is cool

Computers + Internet = Great

I'm sitting outside in the yard. Mickey is chewing a piece of wood he's been working on for over a year. The thing looks like a dinosaur shoulder bone, and must be about as hard. It was part of the old burn pile, but obviously fire was unable to destroy it. Mickey is doing his best. He's getting down to the marrow. Birds are chirping. The sun is setting. It still lights up some of the trees on the south side of our yard. I'm on the internet. I want to listen to the Salem Red Sox game, so I go to MinorLeagueBaseball.com, click on a link, and am now listening to the game. I could choose just about any minor league game tonight and listen, for free. This is just one example of how Computers + Internet = Great. I have no idea how all this is done, and I don't care... the world will be no better off by me understanding this. It just may be magic. The world wants me to focus my efforts elsewhere. The world told me so. It told me when it made science and math difficult for me. I had no desire. I'm not sure I had/have aptitude. Probably more than some, less than others.

I'm not currently using the technology for good. I'm not using it for evil. I'm not really using it for entertainment. I guess I'm using technology for atmosphere. To recreate the sounds heard form the old radio in my room back home. The one on which (grammar is annoying sometimes) I'd listen to Salem Bucs games in the late 80's (You all remember the exciting title run of 1987 with John Rigos and Kevin Davis, right?). Analog clock with radio dial. It had a god-awful buzzer for wake-up. The same radio we had back in New York. I would sit next to it and use our portable tape recorder to record songs off the radio. Back then I'd call the radio station and request a song, then sit by the radio and wait for them to play it. Some say we are all about instant gratification now. I was into it then, too. Back then, anticipation was gratification. Waiting was fun. Waiting helped pass the time. Having was a bonus. I earned the songs I had on tape. A lot of time went into it. As a song was ending I'd hit record, hoping to catch the beginning of my song. Invariably that would happen a bunch of times before my song came up. I can't be sure of a single song that I tried to get on tape. I'm guessing I was focused on Always Something There to Remind Me by Naked Eyes. We wound up getting that album. I remember when it was an event going to the store and getting a new record. Totally Hot by Olivia Newton John was the first I remember as a group purchase, though perhaps none of the McFarland children would admit to that now.

Back then, anticipation was gratification. That's why baseball is so great. The time and space in between the action is at least as important as the action itself. The time and space on either side of the action... the day before, thirty years later. The cheering and the quiet. It's not just the moment we take the leap, but the time leading up to it and the fondness looking back.

philosophy

Thing 1 doesn't change thing 2

1. GM filed for bankruptcy.
2. Old Corvettes are cool.

Now back to the blog, in no particular order.

I've got a lot of ideas to write about this evening, but none (NONE) seem to be coming out right. Why is that? Why does it come so easily at times? Why so difficult now? Attitude? Why? Yes, I've pushed to make this a daily routine, in hopes of getting better at writing. But I enjoy the release, the time to focus on something different, something always different each time I do this. I'm not burnt out. It's not writer's block. It's writing block. I can't write what I want to write tonight (but I can make an unfortunate rhyme scheme).

I doubt many of us keep a close watch on college baseball... but there were two notable games over the weekend. A 25 inning game (over 7 hours long) that finished 3-2, Texas over Boston College. This next statement will shake the foundations of college athletics... that is too long for a game to last. And I just learned that Texas only used three (THREE) pitchers. Florida State 37 to 6 over Ohio State, that one didn't take 25 innings. We had the slaughter rule in little league... down 10, game over. They should have pulled that rule out for this game. This next statement will shake the foundations of college athletics... that is too many runs for one team.

There is so much to be concerned about in this world, I'm shocked at how much energy so many people put into so many things that are trivial... undeniably trivial. This blog is undeniably trivial, but you'll be glad to know I don't give it too much time. I'll leave it at that, for now.

In the not too distant future I will eat a turkey wrap and drink Country Time lemonade. Then I will sleep.

I don't particularly like haiku.